Lasagna
by Rogue8
Summary: A new Lasagna story. More Sinister. More weirdness. More characters. Less sense.
1. Lasagna and Salad

Disclaimer: This is my first fanfic. You wouldn't sue someone on thier first fanfic, would you, Marvel? X-men belong to Marvel, Monty Python and Barney belong to someone else, Smash Mouth, Eric Idle, and all the other people that don't belong to anybody else belong to them selves. I'm pretty sure that's all. Please, Read and Review! Please?  
  
LASAGNA  
  
Scott: Who's that guy?  
Jean: How should we know?  
Professor X: Stop fighting. He's the evil villian, Lasagna.  
Cannonball: Where's Rogue?  
Gambit: Look, Lasagna has her!  
Rogue: Aron, What are you doing? Let me go!  
Lasagna: Who's Aron? I'm Lasagna!  
Rogue: Not again.  
Professor X: What do you mean, not again? This is our first time meeting him.  
Storm: Look out! He's throwing Lasagna!  
Rogue: How's he throwing it and holding me?  
Cannonball: How will we defeat him without hurting Rogue?  
Professor X: Simple. Nate, Wolverine, Iceman, Shadowcat, and Chamber are on thier way, and if that doesn't work, we still have our secret wepon.  
Gambit: We have a secret wepon?  
Professor X: You know about it.  
Gambit: oh.  
Shadowcat: We're here!  
Chamber: Why's he throwing Lasagna at us?  
Lasagna: Because I am the evil Lasagna! Take this!  
Professor X: Oh my god, Lasagna killed Hepzibah!  
Cannonball: You b******!  
Professor X: That's it! Scott, get the secret wepon.  
Scott: Yes sir, Professor sir  
Rogue: Oh man.  
Professor X: Is there a problem with the secret wepon, Rogue?  
Rogue: No, Ja- er, Professor.  
Professor X: Good  
Scott: Professor?  
Professor X: Yes, Scott?  
Scott: How do I get the secret wepon?  
Professor X: The song, stupid, the song!  
Scott: Oh. Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah...  
Batwoman: Batwoman's here!  
Cannonball: Batwoman, how will we defeat him?  
Batwoman: We'll spray him with pam!  
Iceman: How will that help?  
Batwoman: It'll make him too slipery to hold anything!  
Iceman: Oh, okay.  
Chamber: Look, he's dropping her!  
Iceman: But he's on top of a building.  
Gambit: It's okay, she can fly.  
Storm: Then why's she falling?  
Gambit: I'll catch her!  
Rogue: hurry!  
Gambit: I got you, uh, chere.  
Rogue: Thanks  
Gambit: If your powers aren't working, why don't you give me a kiss?  
Rogue: But- wait, what am I saying? Sure.  
  
-5 minutes later-  
  
Iceman: Uh, Remy, Rogue, are you done? The Professor wants to tell us about our new mission.  
Rogue: Huh? uh, yeah, sure, come on, Remy.  
Scott: So, what's our new mission?  
Professor X: We must destroy Alaska!  
Rogue: Why?  
Professor X: Because it's just there.  
X-man: You wanna run that by us again?  
Professor X: We must destroy Alaska because it just sits there thinking of evil ways to kill us.  
Iceman: Uh, yeah, we'll get right on that.  
Professor X: Good. Go my x-men! Destroy the evil fiftith state!  
Rogue: Acctually, it's the forty-ninth. And what's with all this your x-men crap?  
Professor X: Whatever, just go.  
  
-later-  
  
Rogue: We aren't really going to Alaska, are we?  
  
-even later-  
  
Rogue: I can't belive we really came to Alaska.  
Iceman: Shut up Rogue, maybe we can ditch him in the woods.  
Professor X: I heard that!  
Iceman: We don't give a crap.  
Professor X: Bobby, you little peice of...I oughta...  
Storm: Look, the Professor's walking!  
Iceman: State the obvious, 'Ro.  
Storm: And he has hair!  
Iceman: Just now noticing that?  
Cannonball: Guys, he's coming this way! Run!  
Gambit: Wait, don't we have to save Rogue from the villian?  
Rogue: What?! I haven't been captured yet! There isn't even a villian yet! And I'm not-  
Evil Bunny: I've got you my pretty, and your little dog, too.  
Wolverine: I'm not a dog, I'm Wolverine!  
Evil Bunny: Oh, sorry.  
Iceman: Who the heck are you supposed to be?  
Evil Bunny: I'm the evil rabbit from that Monty Python movie.  
Rogue: Oh, this is just great! Terrific!  
Scott: Really?  
Rogue: Sarcasm Scott, sarcasm! You really are stupid.  
Professor X: Scott! You can wait in the Blackbird!  
Scott: But Prof-  
Professor X: Stop whinning and get back in the blackbird, you brown nosing twit.  
Evil Bunny: Who brought a gun? That's not playing fair.  
Cable: Shut up rabbit!  
X-man: Cable?  
Rogue: Cable? It's really you?  
Cable: Who are you? What's going on here?  
Salad: I brought her.  
Iceman: Who's that?  
Cable: Salad, so we meet again.  
Salad: Cable, a formidable opponent, but this time I have help.  
Wolverine: Barney? NO!  
Gambit: Wolverine killed himself? Cool!  
Professor X: Gambit!  
Iceman: Now who's that?  
Batwoman: Eric Idle? I love you!  
Eric Idle: Who are you people? And what the bloody hell am I doing in Alaska?  
Evil Bunny: I'm the evil rabbit!  
Eric Idle: No you aren't.  
Evil Bunny: I'm not?  
Eric Idle: No, you're just some little girl wearing bunny ears.  
Evil Bunny: Oh. I'm going to leave then.  
Rogue: Why does everyone keep dropping me?  
Cable: Where'd Barney go?  
Batwoman: He's up there!  
Iceman: Run!  
Rogue: Why are you all so afraid? What's the worst he could do, sing?  
Barney: Hi everybody! It's time for a singalong about our friend, Cable!  
Cable: Noooooooooooo!  
Barney: He's okay, live in present day, he's alright-  
Iceman: Make him stop!  
Barney: His clone is Stryfe, he wants his life, could you say the same?  
Rogue: Why us?  
Barney: So come through time and see him, come through time just know that his arm's T.O. his arm's T.O.-  
Smash Mouth: That's our song!  
Rogue: Smash Mouth? How are you all getting here?  
Iceman: What song?  
Batwoman: For this you must die Barney.  
Shadowcat: Has anyone seen Batwoman or Kurt?  
Professor X: Not since we got off the Blackbird. They went into the woods.  
Shadowcat: They didn't-  
Iceman: Here they come, and it looks like they did.  
Shadowcat: While we're on the subject, has anyone seen Rogue, Gambit, Cannonball, or Nate?  
Nightcrawler:They were behind us in the woods.  
Professor X: Together?  
Batwoman: No, they aren't like You, Jean, and Scott, Pr.  
Professor X: Oh, well then. Okay. tell them we have to go soon.  
Nightcrawler:Why?  
Professor X: Because the Japanese just bought Alaska from me. They're turning it into an amusment park.  
Chamber: But I wanna see what happens.  
Professor X: The rabbit gives Eric a ride home, Barney gets his a** handed to him, and we *accidentaly* leave Scott here to freeze to death.  
Scott: Hey!  
Jean: How'd you know all that stuff?  
Professor X: I read the book.  
Scott: Huh, there's a book?  
Gambit: What about Cable?  
Professor X: He explains something or other to us.  
Rogue: could he wait till I'm done with Remy back here?  
  
-2 hours later-  
  
Shadowcat: Guys, he's starting  
Rogue: we're almost done.  
Cable: Now!  
Rogue: Oh, ruin my day now, why don't ya'?  
Cable: You know?  
Rogue: duh.  
Cable: Why didn't you tell them?  
Storm: Tell us what?  
Rogue: would you tell them?  
Cable: It would be funny.  
Rogue: I kept quiet for another reason.  
Cable: What...oh.  
Gambit: Why're you looking at me?  
Storm: TELL US WHAT?!  
Cable: You want to tell them?  
Rogue: *sigh* sure.  
Storm: WHAT?  
Rogue: You aren't the x-men.  
Gambit: We...we aren't?  
Rogue: You're just normal people.  
Iceman: We are?  
Rogue: Well, you aren't exactly normal. Rick really is funny like Bobby, Jacob really does want to lead us all, Jarod, you really are cute like Gambit, and Jason really is stupid. And Samantha's really in love with you, too.  
Scott: She is?  
Jean: That was a secret, B****.  
Scott: What about batwoman?  
Rogue: Steph? Oh, she really is Batwoman.  
Iceman: Eric Idle and Smash Mouth?  
Rogue: They were really them.  
Chamber: Oh. Wanna go get pizza?  
  
I have no idea why I wrote this. forgive me, please?


	2. Why the x-men should move to Kentucky

Lasagna 2

Summary: the x-men try to have a dinner party.

Disclaimer: I don't own the x-men, or the guy cable shoots. I don't think Marvel would want this version of Rachel. I do own Cathy. The various representations of some of my friends that show up belong to themselves. 

"" = talking  
** = sound affects

*DING DONG*   
Scott answered the door.   
"Who are you?   
"I'm Batwoman, bringer of Lasagna.   
"I'm Lasagna, bringer of Salad.   
"I'm Salad, Bringer of the Insane Bunny Rabbit.   
"Isn't it the evil rabbit? Scott asked.   
The Insane Bunny Rabbit slapped him.   
"NO! I'M THE INSANE BUNNY RABBIT! AND I BROUGHT CARROT CAKE!   
"Um, thank you? Scott said, slowly backing away from the rabbit.   
"Who is it? Jean asked from the kitchen.   
"Just Batwoman and some former villians.   
"Oh, okay.   
Magneto walks up to the door before he can close it.   
"I saw Charles in the living room, and I heard the music-   
"I'll give you fifty bucks if you don't say anything to Jean.   
"-and I was wondering if I could come in and watch Blue's Clue's.   
He finished, giving Scott a wierd look. Scott slipped a hundred dollar bill into his hand as he came in. Rachel ran up to Magneto and hugged him.   
"Uncle Eric! Jean walked into the room.   
"Why'd you call him uncle Eric?   
"'Cause I saw him doin' the same thing with Mr. professor that I saw you doin' with uncle Remy.   
"JEAN?!   
"Well, he is better in bed than you could ever dream to be.   
Rogue and Remy walk into the room.   
"You slept with my wife?!   
"What?! Sugah, is that true?   
"Well, chere, it was...I mean dat...   
Rogue punched him and he went flying into the wall.   
"By dose! Remy t'ink dat yo' broke his dose! He yelled, and started crying. By dose. By beautiful dose!   
"Is Eric here? Shut up out there! You made me miss the second clue! Professor X yelled from the living room.   
Magneto and Rachel ran giggleing into the living room.   
"Um, Scott said hesitantly, If we could all-   
*DING DONG*   
Kurt ports in to answer the door, but it imedietly jumped on by Batwoman.   
"THE REAL KURT!   
Scott answers the door, to find Cable holding up two people.   
"Dad, I found these two sneaking into the mansion. Can I shoot em? Huh, can I? PLEASE?   
"Sure.   
"HEY!   
He shoots and misses, hitting the guy that used to play Ben on Guiding Light in the chest.   
"Darn, out of plasma bursts.   
"Oh well. Who are you, anyway?   
"I'm Cathy, and that's Jarrod.   
"Um, you wanna come in for dinner?   
"Sure.   
Cable drops them, and they all go into the living room.   
"We just figured out blue's clue's, we just figured out blue's clue's, we just figured out blue's clue's, because we're really smart, yeah! Professor x and magneto sang.   
Dinner's ready!   
They all go into the dinning room. Rachel runs up behind Professor x and starts pushing him.   
he sctreamed as he went flying through a window.   
Jean comes up to the window looking upset.   
T went through all the trouble to order dinner, I even BROKE A NAIL dialing, and this is the thanks I get? You go out to play in the snow?   
Well, could you at least- she leaves -help me in? Damn.   
-dinning room-   
Were are Kurt and Batwoman?   
HELP ME! Kurt screams from the closet.   
  
Rogue opens the door and Kurt tumbles out.   
MEIN GOT! Where'd she get a nulifier?   
He pulls off the bracelet and ports out of the room, Batwoman chasing after him.   
Come back! I LOVE YOU! She screams, and runs out of the room.   
Um, let's start by going around the table and each saying one thing that we're thankfull for. Scott says,   
Sounding like Sean Connery, Lasagna yells,   
Everyone stares at him.   
What? I'm thankful for cheese.   
  
  
Bobby, having seen what happened to Kurt, gets up and goes to the other side of the table.   
Remy goes next.   
I'b thankful dat I haben't killed anybody dis year.   
  
She gets up and starts beating Scott.   
S NOT RABBIT' IT'S INSANE BUNNY RABBIT! She screams, and sits back down. oh, yeah. I WUV CARROTS! Scott gets up and sits back down.   
Jarrod, and...uhandbobbytoo.   
Bobby gets up and moves farther down the table.   
  
Soth Park's Sweat, n'kay Mr. Garrison?   
Scott looks ahead blankly while everyone else laughs.   
What? What's so funny?   
Oh, nothing dear.   
Jean manages to say before cracking up again.   
I guess I'll go next. Scott says.   
I'm glad I didn't find out that anyone else was one of my kids. Jean?   
I'm glad I didn't die this year. Nathan?   
NO TIME TRAVEL! Rogue?   
Ah'm thankful ah didn't absorb anybody.   
Batwoman runs back into the room.   
I'm thankful Ororo isn't here! Now where's Kurt?   
I'm thankful Batwoman isn't here. NIEN!   
He ports out again.   
  
I'm thankful Salad's over there.   
  
I'm glad Jubilee moved out. What? she was an annoying brat! If she'd stayed any longer I would've killed her!   
Everyone nods in agreement.   
*RING RING*   
Magneto answers the phone.   
Hello? *gasp* NO! *gasp* NO!   
He slams the phone down.   
  
There's no cheese left in the world!   
  
Ororo walks into the room and kisses Kurt, then Rogue accidentaly absorbs him. In shock, Remy kinetically charges the table, killing Jean, Bobby, and Jarrod.   
*RING RING*   
Hello? Yeah, I heard. *gasp* NO! He hangs up the phone. The world's out of carrot's, too.   
  
Cable dissapears into a time portal, and ten kids run up to Scott.   
  
Logan decides to leave, but when he opens the door Jubilee is standing there.   
Hi! I'm moving back in!   
-Shiar throne world-   
Majestrix, did you hear that?   
What, Gladiator?   
A scream, it sounded like an animal in pain.


	3. Party time

Lasagna 3: why the X-men should move to Kentucky

Summary: Scott finds out just how much his dad used to sleep around.

Disclaimer: Marvel owns everyone I don't. You should be able to tell who belongs to who.   
Authors note: If you are from Kentucky, please don't take offense at the title. Unless your name is Christine. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"" = talking  
** = sound effects

Jean and Scott sat in the lab, anxciously waiting for Hank to finish. They had brought Rachel down for some tests.   
Hank walks back into the room.  
"I've finished the test, but before I tell you the results, would you mind telling me what's wrong again, Scott?"  
"Well, she isn't the sharpest bulb in the pod. er, I mean-"  
"She's stupid." Jean said. "Why?"  
"well, Scott, your father spent a lot of time away from home before, and now with his being in space..."  
"What's my dad have to do with anything?  
"Youandjeanarebrotherandsister." Hank yelled, and flinched, hoping they would kill him before he had to tell them the rest.  
"WHAT?!" Scott yelled.  
"Well, it does make sense. It explains the arm growing out of her head, anyway." Jean calmly said.  
Suddenly Remy bursts into the room.  
"Scott, Remy be yo' brother."  
"Scott, Jan, I am also your brother." Ororo said, then kissed Kurt. Batwoman appears, bitch slaps her, and disapears.  
"But your a girl!"  
"Uh, jean," Hank interjects, "that's not exactly..."  
"Guess what, my nipple just got bit off by a beaver." Warren said.  
Sinister apears, yells, "I can't let you contaminate the mutant blood suply with your stupidity!" Shoots Warren, and leaves.  
They all sit for a minute, thinking how strange Warren was.  
*BAM BAM BAM*  
Jean gets up and opens the door. Rachel walks in, and keeps walking till she hits one of the chairs. Jean sits back down, and Rachel keeps walking into the chair.  
Nate and bobby run into the room and Sinister materializes again.  
"*heavy breathing* Scott, I am your brother. *more heavy breathing*"  
"Uh, why are you talking like that?"  
"Missed the bus...had to...run...to...get here."  
"Whoa, Sinister's Scott's brother?"  
"And Jean's, and Remy's, and Ororo's, and-" Hank stops "-aren't you suposed to be waxing the Blackbird?"  
"Uh-"  
Cathy runs into the room.   
"Scott, your dad's here."  
Jarrod runs into the room.  
"Hank, Sue and Franklin are here, and she looks pissed."  
"Oh my stars and garters."  
They all step over Warren's body and run up to the living room, where Sue is yelling at Corisair. Batwoman sat on the couch, holding the crying Franklin.  
"You asshole! You haven't payed any child support for six years! I'm sueing your ass!"  
"Sue, let me explain, I was in space and-"  
"And nothing! He's your son and you haven't even come to see him."  
"I was in space! And how were you going to explain to Reed?"  
"It would have been better than him finding the tapes!"  
Scott faints.   
Hank nervously clears his throaght.  
"Um, Corisiar?" He asks, "could you come here for a second?"  
"Why? I'm busy!"  
"It's about your other children-"  
"You found out about Cable?"  
"No..."  
"WHAT?!"  
"Uh, Hi, Cable! nothing."  
Jean's trying to wake up Scott and keep Rachel from sticking her tounge in a light socket, while Hank talks to Corisair in the corner. Kurt walked over and sat next to Batwoman.  
"You aren't a Summers, are you?" she asked him.  
"No..."  
"Goody!" She leans over and starts kissing him. Franklin gets off the couch and watches as they begin to...you know.  
"Mommy, why're they doin' that?"  
"Because they love each other."  
"Oh. Does that mean you love unca Jonny an' unca Ben?"  
"Bobby and Steph?! Jarrod?!" Corisair yelled from the corner.  
Cathy walked up to Jarrod and hugged him. "This means our baby's gonna be a Summers."  
Jarrod smilled, for a minute, then stopped. "Baby?"  
Cathy giggles. "Oh, did I forget to tell you?"  
"She isn't a Summer's, is she? We don't want some freak like Rachel."   
Fortunately for him, Jean was to busy trying to keep Rachel from sticking a knife in the toaster to kill him.  
Logan walks into the room.  
"Corisair, I am your father."  
"Well, that's a coincidence, 'cause Corisair's your father."  
The Insane Bunny Rabbit, purely because she didn't make an apearance in theis story yet, walks in and puts to words what they all are thinking.  
"So you're Scott and Jean's dad, and Ororo, Bobby, Jarrod, Remy, and Franklin are your sons. And Cable's your son, which means you slept with a clone of your daughter while she was married to your son. And Logan's your father, and you're Logan's father."  
"Right."  
"This is wrong on so many levels." 


	4. Revenge of the bunny

Lasagna 4: revenge of the rabbit.   
By: Rogue8

Disclaimer: I own Cathy. Everyone except Hepzibah that's Marvel's is Marvel's. Hepzibah is a girl that got me mad. Scott's kids are based on my little brother and sisters. Salad, Batwoman, Lasagna, and the Evil Rabbit-   
INSANE BUNNY RABBIT!   
OWW! OW! AHHHH! THAT HURTS!   
-and the Insane Bunny Rabbit, are based on four of my friends. I apologize ahead of time for the ending. 

The x-men came back to the mansion after Jean, Jarrod, and Bobby's funerals.   
Wait a minute. Weren't they alive in the last story? Batwoman asks.   
Shut up! Cathy hisses at her. They aren't supposed to know!   
What do yah mean, story? Ah-   
She didn't say story. She said, um, she said...insane, why don't you tell them? Salad stammers.   
SHE SAID STORY! the Insane Bunny Rabbit yells.   
One of you is a writer?! NO! Help! Bobby yells.   
Aren't yah dead? Rogue asks him.   
Um, uh- LOOK, IT'S THE SAILOR SCOUTS! he yells.   
Wolverine and Lasagna spin around.   
Where? I don't see them!   
Oh, my bad. Bobby says.   
Professor? Magneto? What are you doing?!   
uh...uh...OH MY GOD! CATHY HAS A LAPTOP! Magneto yells.   
Yo' be a writer? Gambit asks.   
You're making coffee naked?! I-er, Cathy yells as a distraction.   
Scott runs into the room, followed by his kids.   
HELP ME!   
Kurt grabs him and teleports out. He comes back a minute later, alone.   
Where's Scott?   
I took him to Sinister.   
Was that necessary?   
He gave me fifty bucks.   
  
Salad walked up next to Bobby. Bobby takes a step to the side. Salad takes a step to the side. bobby freezes her feet to the floor and runs to the other side of the room. Where I'm standing.   
Y-you're the writer, right? he asks me.   
I'm anything you want.   
Could, could you write her out?   
Anything for you.   
Hepzibah walks up and starts flirting with Kurt. Batwoman has steam coming out of her ears. Salad walks up to the Insane Bunny Rabbit.   
Hey, evil rabbit, could you distract Cathy for me?   
YOU CALLED ME THE EVIL RABBIT!   
  
I'M NOT EVIL ANYMORE! I'M INSANE! BATWOMAN, GET THE RANCH DRESSING!   
  
The floor falls out from under Hepzibah and Salad, and they fall into a huge pool of ranch dressing.   
There's a new death.   
Everyone shrugs and walks into the kitchen.   
Batwoman looks at Kurt.   
I need a hug.   
They hug, then he smiles and they port out.   
Sinister materializes and drops Scott on the floor.   
I can't take any more of him! And disappears again.   
Scott gets up and looks around. He stops at the kitchen table.   
  
  
They have coffee! Scott yells in terror, pointing at Cable and the ten kids sitting around the table.   
Cable pulls out one of his big guns and destroys half of the kitchen.   
The kids all look at Scott and smile. It's an evil smile. Before he can run they jump on him.   
  
Can we watch Pokemon?   
No way, Ryan. I wanna watch Digimon!   
Bue's Cue's!   
Professor x comes into the room. WHO SAID THAT?   
All the kids step back from the two littlest girls sitting on Scott's back.   
Melanie did! Melanie did! Cable yells.   
Come here, you two. Professor X says.   
The two go over to him, and they all go into the living room to watch TV. Jubilee follows them.   
TELETUBIES?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!   
Wolverine walks into the room.   
I'm gonna kill Jubilee!   
  
I-I, uh...I just am!   
Everyone nods.   
Works for us.   
They all go into the living room.   
Jubilee has the remote, holding it just above Professor X's head and laughing. Professor x is reaching for it, crying.   
Make her turn off the teletubies!   
Magneto lifts the roof off the building and floats in. He makes the roof into a little box, and drops it on Jubilee's head, crushing her.   
Thank you! Everyone yells.   
Bobby looks at me again. You said you're a writer?   
  
Are you the one that went into my mind?   
  
That thing you did...   
  
I hit a key on my laptop, and the screen goes blank.   
HEY! I can't see!   
we both yell.


	5. Binky

Lasagna 5: Binky  
  
Author's notes: Here it is, the fifth Lasagna story. One more and I'm done with this series. This also happens to be my first time actualy puttting the HTML in myself instead of using frontpage, so try ont to get to mad if I made any mistakes. If you happen to have any ideas I can use to fill some space in the next one, e-mail me at firefly254@hotmail.com.  
  
Disclaimer: I own my characters, Marvel owns theirs, and I used so many movie and sci-fi references in here I'm not even gonna try credit their owners.  
  
sinister's lab, late one night...  
A dark figure crept slowly through the dark lab, humming softly the Mission Impossible theme. Darkly. They tiptoed quietly into Sinister's bedroom, took the item they desired, and left. Unfortunately, the door needed to be oiled.   
"CCCRRRRRREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAKKKKKK!"   
"Shit."   
"Hey, no cursing, this stories only PG."   
"Oh, sorry."   
Sinister rolled over in bed.   
"But I don't wanna get up yet mommy. evil medical school doesn't start for another hour!" he wined in his sleep.   
"There really is an evil medical school? I thought Dr. Evil just made that up."   
The next morning...   
Sinister picked up his phone and hit memory three.   
"Yes, hello, I'd like an extra large pizza, with anchovies, pineapple, green peppers, mushrooms, and squid. No, I don't want pepperoni. it's disgusting, that's why. And if it's not here in thirty minutes, I'll let my cat out. Yes, you should be afraid of it. Because it's not a normal cat, that's why. Thank you."   
He hung up the phone and pressed memory four.   
"Toad? I need to talk to Magneto. This is Magneto? I'm sorry, you sound like Toad. Well maybe you should have a lozenge then. No, I'm not trying to make fun of you, it just comes naturally. No, no, don't hang up, there's a reason I called. Someone took something very important from me last night. No, I can't tell you what it is right now. Because there are people reading this. I don't know how many, but it's more than I want to tell about this. One hour? Fine."   
one hour later...   
*Doorbell plays 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'*   
"Oh, good. The pizza must be here." he pulled out a calculator, then added angrily, "half-an-hour late!"   
He opened the door "It's about time! Uh, you're not the pizza guy."   
"gee, how'd ya' see through my disguise, Einstein?"   
"There's no reason to be rude."   
"yeah, yeah, yeah, I got your Victoria's Secret order here, where ya' want it?"   
After making sure that no one was around he grabbed the box and disappeared into his bedroom.   
30 minutes later...   
Sinister answers the door, wearing a wonder bra and thong on top of his usual clothes.   
"Speedy pizza."   
"Speedy?! Ha! You're an hour late!"   
"Yeah, whatever. Just pay and shut up."   
"Insolence! I shall unleash my cat on you!"   
"Oooh, I'm shakin'."   
"SABERTOOTH!"   
Sabertooth stomps into the room and growls, the pizza guy runs in terror.   
"Good kitty. Here, have an anchovy."   
Sabertooth eats the anchovy and starts to purr.   
"Meow."   
*Doorbell plays 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'*   
"Maggy, baby! Come in, come in!"   
"Um, Nathan?"   
"Yes?"   
"Why does your doorbell play 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'?"   
"Oh, uh, it does? I hadn't noticed." he said, then added under his breath "Curse them! I told them I wanted 'Puff the Magic Dragon'."   
"Oh. Then why are you wearing woman's underwear?"   
"I'm almost two hundred, do you have any idea how hard it is for me to get a woman?!"  
"Um...but why are you wearing that?"   
"Moving on...we must find the culprits that stole this very important item from me!"   
Magneto thinks for a minute, but decides he doesn't really want to know the answer.   
"Right, then we shall begin at the middle!"   
"Um, don't you mean the beginning?" Sinister asks, adjusting his bra.   
"Yes, yes, that. Round up the usual suspects!"   
"But...we are the usual suspects."   
"Oh. Then round up the unusual suspects!"   
"Alrighty then!" Sinister says, sounding way to much like Jim Carry for this story's own good.   
a galaxy far away, an alternate universe, or possibly Indiana...   
The announcers voice blared over the loudspeakers. Why there was an announcer nobody knew, since this was practice, but the was an announcer, so deal.   
"And it's a beautiful Midnight this Wednesday, February 31. And here comes Jeff Gordon, with Magneto close behind...above...behind...above...Hey, Jimbo, ain't that against the rules?"   
"No, Bob."   
"We need to fix them rules. Here comes Quicksilver, in car number...number...Jimbo?"   
"He ain't in no car."   
"Now I'm sure that's against the rules."   
Suddenly Bishop appeared in the room.   
"Whose's he?"   
"I'm, uh, I'm..."   
Cable appears, hits him in the head, and leaves.   
"Oh, yeah. I'm Bishop, and this world isn't supposed to exist."   
"Why ain't it supposed to exist?"   
"Uh, cause...It just isn't, that's why! Now play nice or I'll go tell my mommy!"   
Cable comes and hits him again, then hands one of the announcers his card and leaves.   
"What's it say?"   
"Cable, a.k.a. Nathan Christopher Asikanison Dayspring Summers, time traveler, coffee addict, T.O. specialist, antiques dealer, and manicurist exstrordinar."   
"I membered why this world isn't aposed to exist!" Bishop shouted happily.   
"Why?"   
"'Cause Bunny traveled back in time and made Magneto become a sumo wrestler, then she became a Playboy bunny."   
"And that should bother us because...?"   
"'Cause I know what you did last summer."   
"Okaaaay...So what did we do last summer?"   
"Um...I don't know what you did last summer, but I have a pretty good idea, and as soon as I destroy this timeline we're gonna have a little talk."   
But it was to late, because suddenly Bishop disappeared, the world exploded, HAL wouldn't let Dave do that, all the dolphins disappeared, and the dish ran away with the spoon.   
Back at the mansion...   
Scott was in the living room singing 'Stayin' Alive' into a hair brush. Batwoman walks into the room holding a little blue-furred baby, with two little blue-furred kids behind her.   
"What are you doing?"   
Scott tossed the brush and accidentally smashed the TV screen, then jumped so high he hit his head on the fan.   
"Iwasn'tsinging'Stayin'Aliver'IhatetheBeegeeshonestdoIlooklikeI'mlieing?BoyIsuremissJean.Wowyouhavethreekids?OhshitIhavethreekidstoo.Youhaven'tseenthemhaveyou?I'vegottahidethissucks.OhwaitasecBobbyandthewriterarewatchingthem.IguessthatmeansI'moffthehook.Idon'tseehowtheycanstandthemIhavetroublebeingaroundthem.Where'sKurt?DidhegotothestorewithNathan?OhshitweletNathangogetthegroceries.He'sgonnacomebackwithfivehundredbucksworthofcoffee.Ididn'tmeantodrinkthelastgallonofhis.AmItalkingtofast?Ithinkit'srealyanoyingwhenpeopletalksofastyoucan'tunderstandthemdon'tyou?"  
Scott's face turned dark blue and he fell down.   
Steph turned around and looked down at the two kids behind her. "That's why you can't drink coffee."   
"But uncle Nate doesn't do that."   
"Well, your uncle Scott's a stupid...um, you aren't ready for that word. Here, this should explain it." She said, and handed them two CD's.   
"What're these?"   
"Eminem. He sings about your uncle Scott a lot." the two BAMF out of the room just as Scott's kids run in.   
"DADDY!"   
Scott comes to just as they jump on him.   
"Why me?!" he demands of no one in particular.   
"Why you what?" I ask him.   
"Why does everyone hate me?!" he cries.   
"Not everyone hates you, what about...um...nevermind, everyone does hate you."   
"But why?!"   
Madelyne Pryor walks in.   
"I hate you because you abandoned me and your son tom go fight evil."   
"But-"   
Jean walks in.   
"I hate you because your my brother and I had a kid with you."   
"But that wasn't my fault- wait a minute, aren't you dead?"   
"um...uh...I...I have to go." she said and disappeared.   
Cable walks into the room.   
"I hate you because you drank my last gallon of coffee."   
"I-"   
Nate walks into the room.   
"I hate you because you wear blue and yellow all the time."   
"What the-"   
Bobby walked into the room and tapped me on my shoulder.   
"um, isn't this story supposed to have a plot?"   
"Oh, yeah. thanks."   
Ororo walked into the room and hit Scott with a bolt of lightning.   
"Why'd you do that? We need him later in the story!"   
"Sorry."   
The pile of Dust the Scott turned into suddenly turns back into Scott.   
"Hey, how's he whole again?"   
"unstable molecules."   
Everyone accepted this, so they all went into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. On the way there the doorbell rang, so Remy answered it.   
"Who is it, Gambit?"   
"Magneto and Sinister."   
"Okay, let them in."   
Kurt BAMFed in and hit Scott on the head.   
"They're bad, you idiot."   
"Oh well."   
Sinister look around and spots Bunny.   
"There you are, fiend!"   
"Um, I didn't do it."   
"oh, okay."   
Sinister and Magneto turn to leave.   
"Hey, wait a minute..."   
Sinister turns back around.   
"What're you holding behind your back?"   
Bunny reluctantly pulls out the teddy bear she was holding behind her back.   
"BINKY!"   
Magneto glares at Sinister.   
"YOU DRAGGED ME AWAY FROM MY LAIR TO GET BACK YOUR TEDDY BEAR?!" he yelled.   
"yes."   
"Oh, okay, then."   
Rogue came into the kitchen.   
"ah think ya' have some plot holes in this story."   
"Like what?" I ask her.   
"Well, ya' didn't remember that ah was supposed to be in this one till now, Scott's kids disappeared ten minutes ago, Professor X and Magneto didn't hook up, Kurt and Steph have a ten year old and a seven year old that weren't in the last story, Jean showed up, and, um, where's my accent?"   
"Oh, I got sick of all that ah instead of I. I've lived in the south for years and I've heard almost no one that talks like you."   
"That's cause you're from Florida."   
"So that makes me not southern?"   
"What're you gonna do about it?!"   
"I'm the writer, I'll kick your @$$."   
"Oh. Let's go get pizza."


End file.
